


In Memoriam

by madeofstarlights



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Thor (Marvel)-centric, just kinda sad all around im sorry, kinda spoiler-y idk but read at your own risk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 23:34:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeofstarlights/pseuds/madeofstarlights
Summary: Some people move on. But not him.





	In Memoriam

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! The idea of this work is that I wanted to give the proper honour to Loki because his death in Infinity War still haunts me and I hate that he wasn't even mentioned in End Game, like his death was nothing :) (the Loki cameo didn't really give him justice) So enjoy! Oh also, this is my first attempt at writing in months, so please go easy on me and don't expect a masterpiece!

Thor never expects to be here.

He always thought that he would be the one to die first. Or at least, he and his brother would die side by side, battling against a treacherous army sent by whatever it is that might try to kill them later on in the future. He thought there would come a time, far in the future, where they would sit side by side, their skins turning as grey as their hairs, as time slips through their fingers like grains of sand, watching a sunrise over the hill, sipping on the finest wine - or even a rum or brandy - as they talked about the glories of their days. The endless tales, that will be a legend that mortals will speak among themselves. How they would laugh whenever they recall their past as rivals, their squabbles and fights, their mischiefs and misfits, and how it is all in the past now. They would shed a tear as they remember their friends, their comrades - Tony, Bruce, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Maria, Fury, the Rabbit, and many others - because they were there at their funerals, as it is an inevitable law that all mortals must die. But even as their friends returned to earth, they would still have each other, because that’s all they ever have. That’s all they ever need.

Never would he expects that he would stand in front of his brother’s graveyard, with no body inside of it, in front of all the people of Asgard. Never would he expects to be in his brother’s funeral.

And it wasn’t even the proper burial that Loki deserves. There were no ships, no burning, no cremation. There was only his horned helmet, the only thing Thor managed to scavenged from the ruins of that damned ship, but Thor didn’t want to burn Loki’s helmet. Maybe he’s violating the ancient funeral process, maybe he’s not supposed to be doing this but the helmet was the only thing he has of Loki - besides the memories, he has of him. He wanted to preserve it. If he was still on Asgard, he would’ve placed it in Odin’s vault. But he’s not on Asgard anymore. But perhaps one day he’ll build his own vault.

The remaining of his people are gathered behind him. It is almost ironic how even the world is now restored and Thanos’ snap is undone, half of his people remain dead and there’s nothing he can do to bring them back. Snaps or not, Thor still lost his home and half of his people, including his best friend and brother.

There was a lot of tears, but no eulogies. The people of Asgard simply let an orb fly high into the sky, and that was it. One by one, they went back to the comfort of their home, but not Thor. He stayed and sat in front of the grave, holding the helmet so tight as if he’s afraid that he might lose that too.

“Loki,” he finally spoke after hours of silence. “Prince of Asgard. The God of Mischief. Son of Odin.” Thor paused. Those titles were all true, but Loki was much more than that. He was so, so much more than that. “My brother.” Thor finishes.

“There was a time, hundreds of years ago, when we were little, when we knew nothing about pain and misery. When we knew nothing but happiness and joy, and our hearts were still pure and innocent. We used to play together. I swing my swords, and you would throw tricks at the monsters we created in our heads, without knowing that those monsters were real. I saved you, many times, as I stood right in front of you, shielding and protecting you to any harm, even though we both know it is only pretend. But you… You protected me behind my back. When I wasn’t looking, you cast the monsters away. Do you remember?” Thor whispers. The memory of his childhood was still vivid in his eyes. It was the exact moment where he knew that one day, he and his brother would eventually fight side by side, facing real monsters and real enemies.

“I never hated you,” he said. “Even when you betray me. Even when you turned your back on me. Even when you cause many catastrophes, many disasters, even when everything that goes wrong in our life all traced back to your doings. I never hated you. Not even once. Not even a little.”

And then he falls back into silence for quite some time, for he does not know what else to say. Eventually, the night fell, the soft wind that envelopes the atmosphere has turned vicious and unfriendly, as the waves roll beneath the cliff he’s standing in. And yet, Thor doesn’t move an inch. He knows that he shouldn’t let himself drown in sadness, but lately sadness is all he felt. Gone was the happiness that used to live inside of him. Gone was the light and warmth that he used to feel in his chest.

The following days passed in a blur. Thor found it difficult to even care a bit about the things that are happening around him. He left Asgard in the hand of Brunnhilde, the last of the Valkyrie whom he met before all these catastrophes occurred.

He didn’t know where to go. After he killed the Mad Titan, which did nothing, to be honest - it doesn’t bring any closure or any consolation - he and the remaining Avengers plus a few other good people went on the last mission to restore the world and make everything right again. He found his mother in the past, but still, it didn’t change the future. He even got his hammer back. But it still wasn’t enough. Because it felt like he’s stealing, like it wasn’t really his. It is his, but it doesn’t belong to this version of him.

He went away on an adventure with the Guardians of the Galaxy for a while. Kill some monsters every now and then. It felt good. But no matter how many monsters he kills, or how many laughters he shared with his new comrades, he still feels pointless. Everything he did in his past has a purpose. He kills monsters, risks his life, went on a deadly mission, to protect those he loves. His families. And friends. Thor can’t help but feel like his purpose in life has come to an end.

He’ll admit that his fighting abilities weren’t as good as it was before. And on most days, he even purposely let his guards down. Most days, he didn’t even try to fight and kill those monsters. Most days, he wanted to be killed. So he can go to Valhalla to be reunited with those he loves. But the Guardians, being the good friend that they are, wouldn’t let him die. Not even when he specifically asked them to kill him, in good nature.

Only Nebula actually consider to kill him. Thor finds solace in the fact that his death is near, because after a long talk with Nebula, he knows she understands what it feels like to lost all hope, to have absolutely nothing worth fighting or living for, to feel these heavy burdens upon her shoulder that she doesn’t want but forced to carry for the rest of her days. He thought she’ll kill him someday, perhaps when he was sleeping, like he often discussed with her, because it would be like a dream - to go to sleep in a wretched world and woke up in literal heaven with everyone he loves around him. Or perhaps she’ll let a monster they were fighting ‘accidentally’ kill him, so at least he’d die doing what he loves. They talked about these plans for months, leaving the rest of the Guardians uncomfortable at first as they tried to talk Thor out of it. But eventually, they see that Thor is truly miserable, no matter how loud he laughs or wide he smiles. They came to the realisation that even if it doesn't seem ideal to them, but killing Thor perhaps would make him happy… And he can finally rest with his loved ones. After all, Thor’s death wouldn’t mean that he will perish of this world, it only means that he’ll move on to another world that the Guardians haven't quite understood yet but believes in.

However, in the end, Nebula refuses to do it.

“Your time will eventually come,” she says, after spending an entire afternoon listening to another of Thor’s plan which she had to cut short with the simple word, No.

Thor scoffs. “I am thousands of years old. And I am still young. It is also really hard for me to die, as you can see since I’m still alive even after all this. So tell me, Nebula, how long should I wait to die? Another thousand of years?” He said. “And do tell me, what do you think will happen in the span of thousands of years?”

“I don’t know, we’ll all be dead?” Rocket answered the question nonchalantly as he chews on a prune.

“Exactly!” Thor exclaimed. “And I envy all of you.” he continues.

After dinner, the rest of the Guardians went back to their quarters, to rest, or doing whatever it is they want to do. But that night, Nebula finds Thor sitting in front of the spaceship window, looking out at the vast space. It was a beautiful sight, but he was so lost in thought that he didn’t even realise the billions of shining stars, the galaxies that spread out right before his eyes, or planets in the distance. Nebula’s voice was the only thing that snapped him back into reality.

“I do not mean your time to die,” Nebula sighs. “I mean your time to be at peace. It will come.”

Thor did not answer, but it wasn’t a problem for Nebula. She sits still beside him, enjoying the view the galaxy has to offer, listening to the distant sound of Quill’s music that no one ever bothered to turn off.

After a while, Thor finally manages to speak. “I suppose.”

Nebula smiles.

“But if you’re wrong then… Well, what more could I lose?”

The question Thor asked was rhetorical. It doesn’t need an answer, but Nebula answers anyway.  
“Yourself, Thor.”

The conversation stuck with him for many years, even after he parted ways with his Guardians friends. Even after he attend each of their funerals. He knew this would happen. He knew he’d outlive all of them, just like he did with the Avengers. He knew he’d be the last one to die. And he hated that.

His name that used to be so popular among the mortals has become less known, for it has been too many years since his glory days where he used to save the world side by side with his comrades. A new set of heroes has stepped in, ones that are still pure, and determined, and passionate, with fire in their hearts and souls. They’re stronger than he is now, and in a way, he pities them. What a life they’re gonna have. How much would they have to lose?

Even so, he still visits earth every now and then. The graves of his dear friends, the Avengers, still got a lot of visitors, but not as many as it used to be. There were many days where the only visitors to mourn their graves was only him, as people who coincidentally pass looks at him in curiosity, as if they recognised him. But he didn’t blame them. The legends of the Avengers, earth’s mightiest heroes, were probably ancient history for the people who lived in this new age. It has been many centuries since the earth has seen the Avengers in action. It has been many centuries since his comrades passed away. He hoped to see them again in Valhalla, though he’s not sure since all of them has a different faith.

But Thor could accept their deaths. It was their time to go, as it is an inevitable law that all mortals must die. He mourns and he cries, but he wishes the families they left behind well and he hopes that their souls could find their way back home, wherever it may be. He hopes that one day when he finally gets to rest, they would find each other again, one way or another.

But still, there is one death doesn’t quite feel right to him, whose grave Thor visits most often.

Loki’s.

“Brother,” he speaks on one chilly night. The stars shine above, but his gaze was fixed on the grave and the helmet he held every time he visits. “Look at how the stars shine. When we were little, we used to count them. A silly thing to do, we never got around to count all of them. There were too many for us, and we would fell asleep in the backyard of our palace in our old home, in Asgard. Do you remember?” he speaks softly, reminiscing the times he spent with his brother.

“By morning, you used to play tricks on me, making me believe that you’re disintegrated and gone to join the stars above as I cry in horror, watching you disappear like that. What a trick.” Thor chuckle. “Well, I’ve seen the stars, brother. Countless times, up close, right in front of my eyes. I’ve been there too. But I never saw you anywhere.”

“Brother, come home,” Thor’s voice starts to tremble. If this was another of Loki’s trick, it is too cruel of a trick. “Come home. Its been too long. Look at the stars again, with me. Look at it. Look at how they shine.”

Perhaps it was his own wishful thinking. Or perhaps it was the way the stars shone so brightly tonight as if the heavens were above him and if he just tries to see a little bit better, he’d see all the universe and cosmos right in front of his eye. But instead, he went back to his house, didn't even bother to stay up until the sunrise.

Another century pass. And another, and another. Even if a millennium has passed, everything seems like a blur to him, as if the years that went by meant nothing. He watched civilisations rise and falls, he watched wars as it begins and as it ended. He watched the fall of the heroes and their reborn. He has read the books about him and his comrades that fought in the wars so many centuries ago. It was once a history book, then it turned into a legend, then it turned into a myth. Soon enough, he became the only person who mourns at each of his comrades’ graveyards.

“I see them everywhere,” he spoke one night, in front of Loki’s graveyard. These days, he rarely finds any companions that he can actually talk to about his pain and his loss. “I see Stark in the legacies he left for the new humans. You know I see a lot of advanced technologies and I see a lot of new scientists and professors being born in all of these years. But no one ever comes close to match Stark’s brilliance. He was one of a kind.”

“And Rogers. Sometimes, when I wanted to, I watch the Americans celebrate the 4th of July from the distance. I can still feel him. His courage, his integrity, his compassion, his moral compass, his patriotic ways of life. It is ridiculous. He’s been dead for ages. And yet he still lives in every honourable mortal I’ve encountered. I can’t forget him.”

“Natasha. She was in every strong woman I’ve met. Fierce, independent, loving. Funny. She was honourable, regardless of what people might think. And Banner. Sweet Banner, I don’t think there’s anyone as mighty and as kind as him. And how could I not see Clint’s bravery in every force of nature?”

Thor was quiet for a while. He watches as the tip of the sun beginning to peek from the horizon. Usually, at times like this, he went back to his home, because he doesn’t want to see the sunrise. But he decides to stay this time.

“And of course, Loki, I see you,” he starts. “Is it bad that I expect every snake I encounter to turn into you?” Thor chuckles, but tears started forming in his eyes. See- this is why he doesn’t want to stay up until sunrise. His emotions would get the better of him. “I see you in every constellation, in every magic. I see you in the first snow that fell on the winter, the frost that covers my window in the morning after. I see you in every magician and the tricks they did, in every innocent, lighthearted mischief, and in every misfit of the world.” Thor said. And then he’s quiet. Listening, waiting.

The sun has yet to come out, but he feels an old feeling he hasn’t felt in ages.

He felt warm.

“Do you truly think so little of me?” a voice speaks. Thor doesn’t even need to look to know who it is.

Loki.

He’s here.

“Loki,” Thor said without taking his eyes off the horizon. “I thought the world of you.”

And so, once again, the two brothers sit side by side. As if no time has passed at all.

Thor looks at his younger brother, who hasn’t aged at all since the last time he saw him. His long dark hair’s still sat on his shoulder the way he remembered it. He’s still wearing the same clothes, the same shoes. The only thing different was his expression. And his presence. He looks a lot more at peace, a lot more calm. A lot happier.

Thor couldn’t help but smiled. “Why did you come back, Brother?” He asked. “After all these time. Why now?”

“To come and rescue you from this world that no longer deserves you.” Loki joked.

“Why not sooner?”

“It wasn’t the right time, back then. But now, it is. Now, look,” Loki said, his voice a whisper but Thor could hear him very clear. “I told you the sun will shine on us again.”

The sunrise that day was the most beautiful Thor has ever seen. The way it illuminates the hill, the houses on the New Asgard, and the way it fills him with such warmth that probably could make him burst into flames. He’s happy. For the first time in years, he felt truly happy.

The sea in front of him glitters, a sight he hasn't seen in ages. It reminds him of the stars, the ones he used to count with his brothers all those years ago. A fear comes creeping in. Loki loves to play a trick. What if he disintegrated, to join the stars, before his eyes? What if all of this was just his imagination, just an illusion? He couldn't bear to lose his brother again.

"You wouldn't leave me again now, would you, Brother?" Thor asks. Loki didn't respond. He only stares at the glittering sea, his face serene.

"Don't go to the stars. I need you more than they do." Thor says, tears in his eyes. He never begs for anything to his brother, not in a million years. But this time, maybe he could make an exception.

"Perhaps you could join me this time, Brother." Loki finally speaks.

Thor didn’t mind the blinding light that envelops him. He probably passed out, because who hallucinate their dead brothers? Maybe he’s finally gone crazy this time.

But when he regains his sight, the grave of Loki was gone. There was only Loki. And Heimdall. And Frigga. And Odin.

He’s home.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone's confused: Thor dies in the end and went to Valhalla. Hope y'all liked it! Comments, kudos, and bookmarks are deeply appreciated :)


End file.
